10 Simple Tips to Live Happy, Wild, and Free

10 Simple Tips to Live Happy, Wild, and Free

“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” -Morris West

In the past I was not known as a happy, wild, and free person. (OK maybe wild, I had my moments…) In stuck phases, peppered with depression, darkness, and hopelessness, I often wondered what it would be like to feel happy, wild and free.

I fantasized about living in Europe, writing in cafes like Hemingway, having wild crazy affairs with sexy men, or even moving to Hawaii and wearing nothing but sarongs and flip flops all day. But in truth, these fantasies were empty.

I knew in my gut that fantasies of escape would not bring authentic happiness or true freedom. Maybe at the onset, but in the end trying to create happiness, wild moments, and freedom outside of myself is only temporary. I’m left with facing whatever is still present within me.

Funny enough, I am most happy and free when attending my yearly meditation retreats. Yeah, I know, sitting in a dark room for hours at a time without moving doesn’t seem like the world’s wildest party.

But, when I relax, let go, juice up my heart, and get concentrated on the guarding point, my meditation practice takes me to unlimited expansion. There is nothing more that I need.

While meditating I am content, sometimes wildly ecstatic, and blissed-out, but most importantly, I am free. I realize then that my inner-crazy chick’s happiness and freedom exists in the simplest things.

When I attune to the simple things that give me joy, my body and spirit ignites! I feel truly alive and wildly happy. I feel free of the heavier burdens, beliefs, and complicated constructs that kept me stuck by focusing only on the “storms” within me.

Here are 10 stupidly simple tips to live happy, wild, and free:

1. Write out a short-list of the simple things that give you pleasure.

Keep them in the front of your consciousness and make sure you engage with them at least a few times a week. As you do these things, stay present and mindful of the joy they bring you.

For example, I love eating a fresh juicy nectarine on a summer’s afternoon, and meditating in the morning after a fresh brewed cup of tea, and taking a walk with my husband and window-shopping. What are some of your simple things?

2. Get moving.

Maybe you like the openness and relaxation you feel after a yoga class or the sweat and wild release of spinning. You may enjoy seeing your dog run happily in circles as you throw balls at the park.

Whatever movement inspires you, do it and observe the happiness and freedom it brings. Also, take a short walk after having a meal. This not only helps with digestion, but also instantly relieves any heavy feelings.

3. Eat light.

Support your body/mind/spirit with simple meals three times a day. On retreat, we eat out of three small bowls, usually a grain, a soup and a vegetable. Eating light helps us to feel lighter and also increases concentration, digestion, energy levels, and productivity.

As a practice of mindfulness, I put my eating utensil down between each bite and wait to pick it up again until the food is completely swallowed. It takes 20 minutes for our meal to be digested, so I know if I eat slowly for 20 minutes, I will feel completely satisfied without having to eat large portions.

4. Take a cold shower.

Waking up in the morning and taking a cold shower revives and wildly awakens the senses. Here are some benefits of cold showers:

Improves circulation

Relieves depression

Keeps skin and hair healthy

Increases testosterone and fertility

Increases energy and well-being

5. Talk less, and when you do talk have noble conversation.

When you hang out with your friends and loved ones, learn to love the spaces in the conversation. Listen more to their tone as they share rather than thinking about how you are going to respond.

Pay attention to what happens to your energy when you talk less, and how much happier you feel as you conserve more energy. Plus, you will love the simple intimacy of your relationships as you increase presence and heart-centered listening, freeing yourself of complications and unwanted dramas.

6. Get 10 minutes of sun a day.

With sunscreen, there are benefits to getting sun. Well-documented research shows there is a relationship between low vitamin D levels and poor health, such as frail bones, multiple sclerosis, and prostate cancer. We need vitamin D!

Also, light hitting your skin, not just your eyes, helps reverse seasonal affective disorder. Here comes the sun! Let the sunshine in!

7. Turn off the TV.

Rather than watch TV, use your time more mindfully. Read, walk, meet friends, or join an evening group or class. Use your time to connect to others and yourself. Or jump in and do something different, spontaneous, and wild!

8. Create.

Even if you don’t consider yourself an artist there are so many ways to express creatively. Cook with a loved one, dance in your living room, sing in the car, journal without editing or crossing out, learn a new joke.

Be happy, wild, and free as you express yourself more creatively!

9. Enjoy nature.

Find the nature that surrounds you—really see it. Observe yourself as you witness nature and appreciate its growth and timing.

If you feel like things are going too slow, too fast, or you aren’t really sure of where you are going, remember there is a natural timing for everything, and all the roads are taking you to the right place at the right time.

Ask yourself, “How can I compare nature’s experience to my life? How am I just like the wild flower that is growing on the path?”

10. Know the simple truth.

With enthusiasm and confidence, state what you know to be true about your authentic self. Ask yourself, “What is true about myself right now in this moment?”

For example, I am enough, I am worthy, I am good, I am loved, I have what I need, or I am a success.

State this affirmation out loud a few times to embody the essence of who you really are in this very moment. Take it in! Believe this and you are free!

Keeping your focus on the simplest things offers an immediate experience of abundant joy. May you embrace simplicity in your daily life filled with lightness, movement, and sunshine!

What are your simple things that bring light to your life?

How to Create Joy Today: 7 Tips for a Happy Life

How to Create Joy Today: 7 Tips for a Happy Life

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

I have recently come face to face with mortality—not my own, my friend’s. At only 37, Daniel left behind an army of people whose lives he had touched in some way, including my own.

At 33 I have just qualified as a Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist. At the time Daniel passed away I was working as a Human Resources Manager, a profession I had originally trained in and remained in for over 10 years.

A number of factors and events led me to make the leap and set up my own practice as a Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist, but the overriding reason was simply to follow my dreams.

Many of my friends told me how inspiring I was to them, others told me I was brave, and the rest gave me a look of awe that suggested I was crazy.   

Words of well meaning advice were spoken.

“Why don’t you work part time while you get the business underway?”

“It’s going to take time for you to get regular clients you know; they won’t come overnight.”

“You can always go back to human resources if it doesn’t work.”

All of this came from my nearest and dearest friends and family! I didn’t listen to any of them because I knew from the depths of my soul that this was the right thing to do, and I knew their words were only echoes of their own fears about life and striking out—not my own.

Every day we are faced with stories that remind us of our own mortality as human beings, but when you lose someone you love with all your heart, it changes something deep within you.

The everyday drama we allow into our lives falls away and suddenly seems insignificant. We find ourselves reaching out and opening our heart to let others in. We start to notice the simple pleasures.

We become acutely aware that we never really know when our time might be up, and we make a pledge to let joy into our life. 

That was the pledge I made.

I can’t bring back my darling friend, but I can honor him every day by ensuring that my journey is filled with people and experiences that make my heart sing; by letting my emotions and intuition guide me toward what feels good; by choosing freedom over fear; and by remembering that I am the only thing that can stop me from making those choices.

What dreams, desires, feelings, or needs of your own have you pushed aside? And if you followed your own dreams and bliss, how would your life change for the better?

You are the driver of your own life, and as you journey through, you have choices about which paths to take. The people you pick up along the way can influence your life, but you still remain in control.   

These ideas may help you start creating more joy in your life:

1. Tell a new story.

What’s your current story, and how does it make you feel? If it doesn’t make you feel good when you tell it, then stop telling it. Instead, tell a story that makes you feel inspired and positive. Maybe you haven’t found your calling yet and feel as if every day is ground hog day.

You can change that.

I stayed working in Human Resources for 10 years but I had always been interested in Life Coaching.  Up until two years ago I had done nothing about that interest until one day I decided to make a change and looked into some local evening courses.

I found one starting a few weeks later and got the last place on it. A coincidence? I think not!  Spending a few hours a week learning something new, just for the pleasure of it, was exhilarating.

I changed my story from “I just work in HR” to “At the moment I work in HR, but I’m doing a course in Life Coaching and I’m not yet sure where that may lead me, but it sure is exciting!”

What have you always wanted to do in life but have been too afraid to attempt? What activities throughout your life have given you the greatest feeling of achievement? If you could do anything what would you do and what would bring you a step closer to that?

2. Feel the thoughts that make you feel good.

Sometimes it can feel that our thoughts are thinking us and that we have no control over them.  How many of the 60,000 thoughts you have each day are anxious, critical, defensive, or frustrated?

Most of our everyday thinking is driven from the unconscious mind, which is far greater than the conscious mind. This is why it may feel an impossible task to rein your thoughts in. But as with most things, a little practice can go a long way.

Reach for the thoughts that make you feel good and then practice holding on to them. If, for example, you have had a bad day at work, don’t tell the story about it because that won’t make you feel good!

Don’t ruminate on the conversations or events of the day because that will only serve to make you tenser and may affect your ability to have a good night’s sleep. Instead let go of the thoughts and think of something else that makes you feel good.

It may be something you have planned for the weekend. It may be a memory of time spent with your partner. Or it could just be an inner knowing that you don’t have to think this way, followed by good feelings about that.

The more you can get a hold on your thoughts, the greater control you will gain over your emotions.  After all, why would you choose to feel anything but joyful, elated, on top of the world, clear-minded, creative, enthusiastic, or eager? What will it be like when you can feel like that for most of your day?

3. Spring clean your belief system.

We are powerful creators of our own reality, but so many of us don’t realize our own true potential.  We are all equal; not one of us is more “special” than another.

The only difference is that there are some people who have learned to shine a beam on what they really want in life and then have the belief to make that happen.

When you believe it, you feel it right through to your very core. Many people believe they have to live with the cards they have been dealt, that life is tough, or if you want something you have to fight for it.

Yet beliefs are only thoughts that we keep thinking. No belief is set in stone.

As humans we have a great capacity for sticking to false beliefs. We once believed that the world was flat until someone convinced us otherwise. I have run two marathons in the past two years. Yet if you asked me five years ago if I could run even a half marathon, I wouldn’t have believed it.

What beliefs have you got that are holding you back? If you really challenge those beliefs you will see them start to crumble, allowing you to build new, stronger, more positive beliefs.

Ask yourself “Where has this belief come from?” “What does this belief cost me on a daily basis?” “What would happen if I let go of this old belief?”

4. Get happy now!

So many times I hear people say “I’ll be happy when I lose some weight.” “I’ll be happy when I retire.” “I’ll be happy when I get a boyfriend.” “I’ll be happy when I get a place of my own.”

What about being happy now? Happiness is an emotion. If you reach for thoughts that make you feel happy, you can be happy right now! When you focus your attention on feeling happy now, the rest falls into place, and you find yourself attracting new things into your life.

My tried and tested “happiness pill” is to think of the time I went travelling in South America. I close my eyes and imagine I am back there with no more than a backpack, feeling the sun warm against my skin, sitting outside a cafe sipping a cool drink as I soak up the sights and sounds before my eyes. It never fails to raise a smile on my lips and a glow in my heart.

5. Get into gratitude.

Be grateful for what you have in your life now. Take a few moments every day to really savor what makes you happy and give thanks for it.

It could be waking up in a warm bed, enjoying a piece of cake in a cafe while watching the world go by, walking with your dog in the fresh air, or simply being healthy.

When you create feelings of gratitude, you change the feeling in your heart. Just think what effect having a heart bursting with gratitude can have on your mind and your body!

6. Create a bliss board.

Take a large sheet of cardboard and fill it with pictures, captions, or words that you want your life to reflect. So many of us know what we don’t want, but are not clear what we do want.

Pin it to a wall in your home so that every day you are reminded of what you want in life. I found a wonderful caption in a magazine that read “educating body, mind, heart, and soul.” Every morning I see it on my bliss board and it sets my day off with the right intention.

7. Take a leap of faith.

To move forward and allow new experiences, new energy, and new people into your life you have to let go of whatever isn’t working for you.

It does take confidence and self-belief, but this is where banishing the old beliefs and replacing your old negative thoughts with positive ones comes in. If practiced regularly, this will create the self-worth and self-reliance needed to make that leap of faith.

Take a moment now to reflect on the above and on your life. Remind yourself of just how wonderful this rich tapestry of life is, that there is a sea of opportunity ripe for the taking out there, if only we would take it.

But above all, remember that no matter what is happening to any one of us, the only thing that really matters at the end of it all is that our lives were filled with joy.

Tips How To Be Happy ? Get Happiness in Life

Tips How To Be Happy ? Get Happiness in Life

1. Remember Life's Grateful Moments:

Try remembering or writing down on a paper few thing you were most grateful for and see how fast your happiness level mark goes up. This will help instantly to reduce your stress.

2. Listen Your Favourite Music:

Listening music of your choice can have significant effect on your health. One of the study claims that pleasant musical therapy can significantly lower heart rates and blood pressure and eventually make you feel stress free and energetic. I've personally experienced the healing power of music after listening SOOTHE a truly unique relaxing musical album by musician Bjorn Lynne from UK.

3. Are you Single? Find a partner. Set A Healthy Relationship:

Man is social animal and indeed he strives for emotional support and love. Being a bachelor for lifetime or having frequent break-ups with partners is worst. This can ruine your life. Maintaining healthy relationships can do miracles by releasing love hormones named 'Oxytocin'. Oxytocin is associated with feelings of loving bond, faith and trust. It's know to minimize stress.

4. Nourish Your Spirituality For Happiness:

David Myers, a social psychologist at Michigan's Hope College, says that faith provides crucial social support, a feeling of purpose and a reason to concentrate beyond the self, this overall help root people in their communities. So nourish your spirituality to flourish your happiness.

5. Try Earning More Wealth Than Your Peers:

A sociological research done in 2005 by researchers at Pennsylvania State University, USA claimed that wealth (money) can bring happiness especially when you earn more money than people in your age group. So compete with your peers and strive intellectually to earn more money than them. Get inspired from Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, be more creative, use your intelligence and keep sharpning your skills.

6. Be Optimistic, Gain Success, Be Happy:

A group of psychologist have claimed that happiness is often an outcome of positive emotions. Optimism is liked to success which is further linked to happiness. So be positive in your life so as to achieve success and eventually gain happiness.

7. Explore Your Heritage and Culture:

One study claimed that teenagers of Mexican, Indian and Chinese ethnicity maintained high quotient of happiness despite daily stress when they had a strong sense of cultural identity. So explore your heritage and culture.

8. Re-Program Your Brain's Positive Thoughts:

"Positive emotions with positive attitudes do have a positive impact on brain's biochemistry" says psychologist Mary Ann Troiani. Optimists accelerates their Serotnin Levels and this reflects they're happy.

9. Share Your Feelings With Family, Friends and Loved ones:

Whenever you share your feelings, tensions and doubts with friends, parents and loved ones you reveal yourself. Nothing remains as a unsolved puzzle or hidden secret. Research have proved that people who share their feelings often with others are tend to be more happy than others who don't. So always share some of your life's moments with your loved ones and make your brain relax.

10. Imagine and Visualise Happiness:

Sometimes psychologist ask people to visualise what they would like to be in their lives. This creates a mental state that makes a person imagine things possible to achieve. Psychologist Mary Ann Troiani says, "If you experience such visualisation with your eyes closed ,your brain doesn't know it's real or fake". Such imagination of unreal achievement can bring hopes and such possibility can finally lead to encouraged happiness.

11. Marry A Happy Person:

If you're a bachelor planning to settle down and have a life partner then marry a person who loves you, whose company makes you feel glad because he/she itself is a happy person. A company of happy people will always make you feel encouraged and happy.

12. Exercise Reduce Stress and Good Physique Brings Confidence and Happiness:

It has been scientifically proven that physical exercise produce 'Endorphins' in our body. Endorphins act as a natural mood stabiliser and relieve stress immensely. When these hormones are released in our body they make us feel better, change our mood and finally elevates our happiness. Regular physical activities keeps our body fit bringing good health and physique, this gains confindence and happiness too follows.

14 Timeless Ways to Live a Happy Life

14 Timeless Ways to Live a Happy Life

How we achieve happiness can be different for each one of us. Our passions, expectations, life experiences, and even our personalities all contribute to the level of happiness we experience in our lives. Some find happiness in their careers while others prefer the bliss found in their marriages or other intimate relationship.

No matter how you define happiness for yourself, there are certain universal and time-proven strategies to bring, and sustain, more happiness into your life. The following 14 ways to live a happy life can be adapted and even customized to fit your needs. Over time, these strategies will become positive and life-changing habits that will begin to bring more happiness, joy and peace into your life.

1. Notice What’s Right

Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. The next time you get in the slow line at the grocery store, take the opportunity to pick up a tabloid magazine and do some “guilty pleasure” reading. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation. At the end of the day, you will more content, at peace and happy. Take the time to begin to notice what’s right and see the world change in front of your eyes.

2. Be Grateful

How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? If you are doing the first thing, saying the “thank yous,” the latter will naturally happen. Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy and happiness.

3. Remember the Kid You Were

Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag; leap frog, or street baseball when the bat is a broken broom handle and the bases are the parked cars. One way to find or maintain your happiness is to remember the kid you were and play!

4. Be Kind

There is no question that by merely watching acts of kindness creates a significant elevation in our moods and increases the desire for us to perform good deeds as well. Kindness is indeed contagious and when we make a commitment to be kind to ourselves and to others we can experience new heights of joy, happiness and enthusiasm for our lives.

5. Spend Time with Your Friends

Although an abundant social and romantic life does not itself guarantee joy, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time with your friends and make the friendships a priority in your life.

6. Savor Every Moment

To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives.

7. Rest

There are times when we need the time to unwind, decompress, or to put it simply, just “to chill.” Life comes at all of us hard and fast. Time, as do the days on the calendar, keeps going forward at its own natural pace, which is not always the pace we would choose. Fatigue, stress and exhaustion may begin to settle in on us faster than we may think, or notice. The best remedy for this is indeed rest.

8. Move!

The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind – a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence. Indeed, one way to increase your happiness is to move!

9. Put on a Happy Face

Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on a happy face and keep moving forward. Researchers claim that smiling and looking like we are happy will indeed make us happier. Studies further show that if we act like we are happy then we can experience greater joy and happiness in our lives.

10. Pursue Your Goals

The absence of goals in our lives, or more specifically avoiding to pursue our goals, makes us feel like we are stuck and ineffective. The pursuit of goals in our personal lives, in our relationships, or with our careers, is the difference between having a mediocre life or a life full of passion and enthusiasm. pursue your goals and watch your happiness soar.

11. Finding Your Calling

Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – can perhaps bring the greatest joy of all

12. Get into the Flow

Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can loose ourselves and time seems to stand still. What creates flow is unique to each one of us. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow.

13. Play to Your Strengths

One way to achieve flow is by understanding and identifying our strengths and core values, and then begin to use these every day. Once we aware of our strengths and we begin to play to your strengths we can better incorporate them in all aspects of our lives.

14. Don’t Overdo It

Know when to say when. What gives you joy and happiness the first time may not work the second time. Too much of a good thing may begin not to feel as good if the “thing” becomes more of a routine, or an expectation. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it.

Living a Rewarding, Successful, and Happy Life

Living a Rewarding, Successful, and Happy Life

Living a Rewarding and Happy Life Requires Balance and Focus

Good living is all about balance. Yet many people fail to realize this, and instead focus their energies on certain aspects of their life while neglecting others. This creates an imbalance, preventing us from reaching real and lasting satisfaction and fulfullment.

To live a good life, one must maintain areas of strength while identifying and improving areas of weakness. The Rate My Life Quiz helps identify some of the weak areas. In order to be a balanced individual, you must have a clear mental state, a healthy body, a strong spirit, a dependable social network, romantic satisfaction, and financial stability. These are key components to a happy life.

Yet in this modern world, we are often assaulted on each of these grounds. Television, information technology, the fast pace of life... these things create noise inside our heads.

Junk food, pollution, chemicals, addictions, the rise in obesity and diabetes... these things contribute to the declining health of our bodies.

Cynicism, depression, materialism, and a vacuous culture... these things damage our spirit and turn us away from finding real meaning in life.

Our highly mobile society, the internet and television, weakening family bonds.. these things can work against a healthy social network of friends and family.

Marital infidelity, moral decline, meaningless dating... these things work against pure and everlasting romantic love.

Credit cards and accumulating debt, declining wages, unemployment, job outsourcing... these things make it difficult for many individuals to live sustainably.

And too many people are willing to passively accept the circumstances of their day-to-day life. Too many people are so ingrained in their routine that meaningful change never comes. But let today be the day that YOU make a change. Let today be the start of a journey that will lead to greater balance and satisfaction.

Improve your mind by sharpening it with challenging classes or puzzles or literature. Eliminate the noise by unplugging your technology each night, allowing you to practice the calming arts of meditation or yoga. Decide to get help for depression or other disorders of the mind. Find and eliminate sources of stress.

Improve your body by eliminating highly-processed foods and instead eating foods that are natural, not preserved and full of chemicals. Start taking walks outdoors and give your body a regular work-out. Reduce stress, which is incredibly harmful to your body's good health. Drink water and tea and all-natural fruit juices. Give up vices such as cigarette smoking and alcohol, which make you feel good in the short-term but contribute to long-term harm. Let today be the day.

Improve your spirit by reconnecting with the natural world. Take in a full appreciation of the wonderous creation around you. Focus on your faith and strengthen it. Find a house of worship that fits your world-view and attend services. Reject the cynicism and materialism of modern society and connect with something larger than yourself. Do something selfless each and every day.

Improve your friend and family relations by reconnecting with long-lost friends or distant relatives. You will be amazed at how alive you feel once you do this. Use technology to your advantage and grow your social network by attending events . Turn your online interactions into face-to-face ones, to experience the full dimensions of friendship (remember to be safe). Volunteer to work with others for good causes.

Improve your love and romance by focusing on finding a match based not on the shallow aspects of appearance or wealth but on a deeper compatibility. Many people are tempted by desires for loveless pleasure, yet such relationships do not bring fulfillment. Others hold out hope that they will be swept away by someone of great beauty. Be active in your pursuit of love and avoid the shallow focus that society dictates. Go to places where good people are, at coffee shops, at volunteer groups, at local events. This is also an area where you can let technology do the hard work for you. 

Improve your financial situation by shunning materialism and paying down any debts. We live in a disposable culture in which big money is made by the suggestion that you must throw away yesterday's products and buy the latest thing today. Instead, make yesterday's products last and only replace them based on true need. Focus on advancing your career; take classes to that end, if it will help your long-term employment prospects. Build a savings and grow it as best you can.

Real change isn't easy--it takes effort and commitment, which is why many people avoid it. But the rewards you will reap are well-worth the effort. Why languish in a mediocre life just because it is easier to follow the path of least resistence? Excel to greatness, find real purpose and real satisfaction in your life! Do not fear change, but embrace it. Your journey starts now.

7 Common Habits of Unhappy People

7 Common Habits of Unhappy People

1. Aiming for perfection.

Does life has to be perfect before you are happy?

Do you have to behave in a perfect way and get perfect results to be happy?

Then happiness will not be easy to find. Setting the bar for your performance at an inhuman level usually leads to low self-esteem and feeling like you are not good enough even though you may have had a lot of good or excellent results. You and what you do is never enough good enough except maybe once in a while when feels like something goes just perfect.

How to overcome this habit:

Three things that helped me to kick the perfectionism habit and become more relaxed:

Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else never being finished. So go for good enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.

Have a deadline. I set deadlines every time that start with a new premium guide. Because about a year ago, when I was working on my second e-book, I realized that just working on it and releasing it when it was done would not work. Because I could always find stuff to add to it. So I had to set a deadline. Setting a deadline gave me a kick in the butt and it is generally good way to help you to let go of a need to polish things a bit too much.

Realize what it costs you when you buy into myths of perfection. This was a very powerful reason for me to let go of perfectionism and one I tell myself still if I find thoughts of perfection pop up in my mind. By watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.

But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people around you. It can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world. I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.

2. Living in a sea of negative voices.

No one is an island. Who we socialize with, what we read, watch and listen to has big effect on how we feel and think.

It becomes a lot harder to be happier if you let yourself be dragged down by negative voices. Voices that tell you that life will in large part always be unhappy, dangerous and filled with fear and limits. Voices that watch life from a negative perspective.

How to overcome this habit:

Replacing those negative voices with more positive influences is very powerful. It can be like a whole new world opening up.

So spend more time with positive people, inspiring music and books, movies and TV-shows that make you laugh and think about life in a new way.

You can start small. For example, try reading an uplifting blog or book or listen to an audio book while eating your breakfast one morning this week instead of reading the paper or watching the morning news on TV.

3. Getting stuck in the past and future too much.

Spending much of your time in the past and reliving old painful memories, conflicts, missed opportunities and so on can hurt whole lot. Spending much of your time in the future and imagining how things could go wrong at work, in your relationships and with your health can build into horrifying nightmare scenarios playing over and over in your head. Not being here right now in life as it happens can lead to missing out on a lot of wonderful experiences.

No good if you want to be happier.

How to overcome this habit:

It is pretty much impossible to not think about the past or the future. And it is of course important to plan for tomorrow and next year and to try to learn from your past.

But to dwell on those things rarely help.

So I try as best as I can to spend the rest of my time, the big part of my time each day, with living in the now. Just being here right now and being fully focused on these words I am writing and later as I cook and eat my lunch and work out be fully focused on doing that.

Whatever I am doing I try to be there fully and not drift off into the future or past.

If I do drift off then I focus only on my breathing for a few minutes or I sit still and take in what is all around me right now with all my senses for a short while. By doing either of those things I can realign myself with the present moment again.

4. Comparing yourself and your life to others and their lives.

One very common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare your life and yourself to other people and their lives. You compare cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on. And at the end of the day you pummel your self-esteem to the ground and you create a lot of negative feelings.

How to overcome this habit:

Replace that destructive habit with two other habits.

Compare yourself to yourself. First, instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself. See how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals. This habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you have overcome and the good stuff you have done.

You feel good about yourself without having to think less of other people.

Be kind. In my experience, the way you behave and think towards others seems to have a big, big effect on how you behave towards yourself and think about yourself. Judge and criticize people more and you tend to judge and criticize yourself more (often almost automatically). Be more kind to other people and help them and you tend to be more kind and helpful to yourself.

Focus on the positive things in yourself and in the people around you. Appreciate what is positive in yourself and others. This way you become more OK with yourself and the people in your world instead of ranking them and yourself and creating differences in your mind.

And remember, you can’t win if you keep comparing. Just consciously realizing this can be helpful. No matter what you do you can pretty much always find someone else in the world that has more than you or are better than you at something.

5. Focusing on the negative details in life.

Seeing the negative aspects of whichever situation you are in and dwelling on those details is a sure way to make yourself unhappy. And to drag down the mood for everyone around you.

How to overcome this habit:

Overcoming this habit can be tricky. One thing that has worked for me is to kick the perfectionism habit. You accept that things and situations will have their upsides and downsides rather than thinking that all details have to positive and excellent. You accept things as they are. This way you can let go emotionally and mentally of what is negative instead of dwelling on it and making mountains out of molehills.

Another thing that works is simply to focus on being constructive. Instead of focusing on dwelling and whining about the negative detail. You can do so by asking better questions. Questions like:

How can I turn this negative thing into something helpful or positive?

How can I solve this problem?

If I am faced with what I start thinking is a problem I may use a third solution, I may ask myself: who cares? I most often then realize that this isn’t really a problem in the long run at all.

6. Limiting life because you believe the world revolves around you.

If you think that the world revolves around you and you hold yourself back because you are afraid what people may think or say if you do something that different or new then you are putting some big limits on your life. How?

Well, you can become less open to trying new things and growing.You can think that the criticism and negativity you encounter is about you or that it is your fault all the time (while it in reality could be about the other person having bad week or you thinking that you can read minds). I have also found that my own shyness used to come from me thinking that people cared a great deal about what I was about to say or do.

How to overcome this habit:

Realize people don’t care too much about what you do. They have their hands full with worrying about their own lives and what people may think of them instead. Yes, this might make you feel less important in your own head. But it also sets you free a bit more if you’d like that.

Focus outward. Instead of thinking about yourself and how people may perceive you all the time, focus outward on the people around you. Listen to them and help them. This will help you to raise your self-esteem and help you to reduce that self-centered focus.

7. Overcomplicating life.

Life can be pretty complicated. This can creates stress and unhappiness. But much of this is often created by us. Yes, the world may be becoming more complex but that doesn’t mean that we cannot create new habits that make your own lives a bit simpler.

How to overcome this habit:

Overcomplicating life can involve many habits but I’d like to suggest a few replacement habits to what have been a couple of my own most overcomplicating habits.

Splitting your focus and having your attention all over the place in everyday life. I replaced that complicating habit with just doing one thing at a time during my day, having a small to-do list with 2-3 very important items and writing down my most important goal on white board that I see each day.

Having too much stuff. I replaced that habit with regularly asking myself: have I used this in the past year? If not then I will give that thing away or throw it away.

Creating relationship problems of any kind in your mind. Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate. This will help you to minimize unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.

Getting lost in the in-box. I spend less time and energy on my email in-box by just checking it once a day and writing shorter emails (if possible not more than 5 sentences.)

Getting lost in stress and overwhelm. When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind then, as I mentioned above, breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again. Then you can start focusing on doing what is most important for you again.

20 Poisons To Your Happiness

20 Poisons To Your Happiness

We have all, at one point or another, poisoned our own happiness, whether it be through worry, fear, or just poor decision making. Life can certainly throw a person into a tailspin but the real culprit isn’t the adversity, it’s how we perceive and respond to the adversity that determines the outcome. Sometimes it is simply a matter of wrong motives in life that can lead us down the venomous path, rather than the path that leads to the antidote.

1. Your jealousy can ruin any relationship.

Your better off dealing with jealousy head on when it rears its ugly head. Most people don’t want to admit when they have been bitten by the green-eyed monster but it can happen from time to time. There are people who exude jealousy to the point that it ruins relationships. It usually stems from feelings of inadequacy, and those are the things that a person must take a hard look at in order to salvage their relationships. A happy person is one who is free from jealousy and it shows in healthy relationships.

2. Your desire for superficial things in life can poison happiness.

It is often said that the happiest people are those who do more for others, rather than themselves. If your the type of person that pursues the superficial things of life: wealth, cars, name brand clothes, etc. then it is safe to say that you are poisoning your own happiness in life. The desire of the perfunctory will only lead to more dissatisfaction because our brain is hard-wired at a threshold for such things; it’s called hedonistic adaptation. Living a life of modesty will bring you more happiness in the long run.

3. Your grudge-holding will destroy your happiness.

I once knew a man who held a grudge against his father for leaving the family. His grudge festered within him like a cancer and destroyed any hope of his living life to the fullest. The Stoic philosophers believed that some things are out of our control, so in short, they aren’t worth worrying over or trying to fix. Happiness comes from moving forward in your life and letting go of grudges that would hold you back.

4. Your regrets in life will destroy your peace.

Your life most certainly will be filled with regrets from time to time; I call them mistakes. Mistakes are only there to teach you that a certain path has ended and so it is time to try another. There’s no use in looking back in regret, because you cannot change the past. Simply move forward and try another road. You will most certainly be happier for it.

5. Your dependence on others will hinder happiness.

If you are dependent person or to use another phrase, codependent on another person for your happiness, you will undoubtedly be waiting a very long time for a happy life. Happiness will never come to you from another person, it can only come from within yourself. You can find happiness with someone within a relationship, but that cannot be trusted for your own happiness, because at some point in time, that person will let you down. Looking within is the only way to true joy.

6. Your need to fix other people will ruin your happiness.

This ties into co-dependence as well. If you feel the need to “fix” others, then you will never be focused on your own well-being and happiness. When your focus shifts away from the self, you will always find something that needs to be fixed in others in order to make you feel happy. The only person you can control is you; so why not focus on self-actualization for long-term happiness.

7. Your fear can hold a person back from experiencing true happiness.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.” It can stem from many places, but you will only experience true happiness when you release your fears and simply do the thing your are afraid of doing.

8. Your selfishness is a poison to your happiness.

If your a selfish person, it means you always want things your way and others’  needs and opinions are often discarded in the process. Most people do not want to be in relationship with a selfish person and if this describes you, you may just find yourself alone and unhappy if it is not changed. Take a good look at yourself and examine areas of your life that have fallen prey to selfishness and make the necessary changes; you may find happiness was waiting for you all along.

9. Your happiness will wane when you set unreasonably high expectations of others.

Your need for everyone to meet your standards in life is an unreasonable expectation that most people will never be able to attain; therefore, you will most always be disappointed in people and thus unhappy in life. All people have their own personality type which will prevent them from ever being able to live up to what you expect of them. They cannot do it. When you let go of the expectation of others to perform to your standards, you will find that they, as well as yourself, will be much more elated. A free person is a happy person.

10. Your self-righteous attitude will halt your happiness.

If your a self-righteous person it means that you feel you can do no wrong, and that other people are always in the wrong. I used to attend church and always felt this type of attitude amongst the people, which in turn made for a lot of unhappiness in many of the people’s relationships. It is impossible to be perfect all of the time, so why not do drop your self-righteousness and experience true happiness. Not only will your relationships flourish but you will be a much more relaxed individual.

11. Your living in the past will hinder happiness.

If your living in the past, it means that you are unhappy with the present. Your happiness is a current state of mind and if your life is not making you happy, then maybe it is time to examine your situation and makes some changes for the better. Maybe you need a new career goal? Maybe it’s time to finish a project you’ve been putting off? Whatever the case, moving forward in life will help you feel that you are living in the “now.”

12. Your dishonesty can dampen happiness.

If you are a dishonest person, chances are you have alienated yourself from others. Often times, people who are dishonest gain the reputation as someone who cannot be trusted; therefore, they are seen as an unfaithful friend and partner. Alienating yourself through dishonesty will surely lead to unhappiness and isolation.

13. Your substance use alters states of happiness.

Some may disagree but even if you use substances for temporary states of “happiness” it will be short-lived and once the high wears off, your feelings of unhappiness will be there, staring you in the face. Even for those who use chocolate and caffeine as means of escape, must admit that the euphoria is short-lived.

14. Your pessimism leads to perpetual moods of unhappiness.

It is thought that if you are the type of person that always has the pessimistic attitude it can lead to a life of unhappiness. In a sense, your words and thoughts have power to them and if you constantly use “negative talk” it’s like sending negative vibes out into the world. Thus, unhappiness appears to follow you around like a virus that won’t go away. The medicine for pessimism is to become aware of your negativity and work to change your thoughts and words for the better. Read, exercise, take up a hobby, whatever you need to feel better about yourself is worth a try.

15. Your prejudice of other people can make you unhappy with yourself.

You would think that if someone is prejudiced against a group of people, it means they are unhappy with that group but quite the opposite is true. A prejudiced person is often an unhappy person, spewing their unhappiness onto a “scapegoat” group of people. Prejudiced people look for instances in which to unleash their fury onto others. They think it will somehow make them feel better, but it won’t. If you find that you are prejudiced (and we do all have certain prejudices), it may be time to sit down and really take stock in yourself and confront these issues head on; you will be glad you did.

16. Your self-doubt can lead to feelings of unhappiness.

If you doubt yourself consistently, it would stand to reason that it will lead you to feelings of unhappiness. A self-doubter may engage in negative self-talk which leads to deeper and deeper feelings of unhappiness. It’s a vicious cycle that needs to be addressed with a close friend or counselor who may be able to help you through these feelings. Maybe finding a positive outlet in which to volunteer your time can boost your self-worth as well, and take your mind off yourself for a change.

17. Your unhappiness can stem from unchecked mental health.

If you suffer from anxiety or depression, it isn’t hard to figure that unhappiness follows. What causes these mental imbalances? Often the society we engage in daily is enough to send anyone into states of unhappiness by way of anxiety and other mental illnesses. Sometimes there are more serious issues at hand but unhappiness is robbed all the same. Take time and talk with someone in whom you trust who can help you sort through life’s mishaps. When in doubt seek professional help.

18. Your pet can help ward off happiness poisons.

Pets are a wonderful way to boost your happiness. If you are someone who doesn’t like or doesn’t want a pet, think about volunteering at a place with animals or some other outlet in order to introduce yourself to the appropriate ways to interact with pets. It has been found that when petting an animal, a person’s mood automatically lifts.

19. Your ability to volunteer your time to the needy can help you become happier.

Giving your time to those in need will help cure the unhappiness in your life. Sometimes seeing those less fortunate than yourself helps put things in perspective.

20. Your stress can prevent happiness in your life.

Stress is not only unhealthy for your physical well-being but emotional as well. If you are the type of person who has constant stress in your life, it may be time to make drastic changes. Take inventory of your life and get rid of the unnecessary. Living a life of simplicity can sometimes be just the thing you need to prevent stress and improve your happiness.

I hope you find these insights to be of use in your life. If you find that your happiness is being poisoned, maybe one of these tips is the culprit. In any case, seek happiness from within. Meditate, read, pray, exercise, whatever you need to improve yourself, and happiness is sure to follow.