7 Secrets to Happiness true happiness

7 Secrets to Happiness true happiness

Not quickie mood boosts but that totally stoked mental state — boils down to these surprising essentials. Behold, your ticket to bliss.BY MEAGHAN BUCHAN

smiling blond woman against a pink background

Christy Bush

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We live in a world where there are endless possibilities. Think about it: As women, we have a billion options when it comes to careers, relationships, clothes...hell, even groovy exercise classes. And yet, we’re more bummed out than ever before. Proof: When Americans were surveyed in the 1950s, 53 percent said they were “very happy,” but by the late 1990s, it was down to 30 percent. “Intuitively, having so many choices should make you happier, but it can actually make you feel worse,” says Barry Schwartz, PhD, author of The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. “The more options you have, the higher your expectations, and when your expectations are sky-high, you’re destined for disappointment...no matter how good things get.”So if such abundance doesn’t make us happy, then what does flip our bliss switch? Is it adopting the lifestyle before we had so many life options? Not entirely. Our parents grew up with fewer choices to make, but assuming their life goals isn’t the answer, because the world isn’t the same place today. The key is actually a mix of things, some timeless and some that relate to this generation. Here, the essential elements.

1. You Need a Solid Core Group of Friends

Look at Carrie from Sex and the City. Through everything from Post-it Note breakups to snapped stilettos, she is generally one happy camper. Why? She has her posse. “Friendship is one of life’s main joys,” says David Niven, PhD, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People. “Spending time with people who really know you affords you the freedom to be yourself, which increases contentment.”

But you don’t need to be the founding member of your own fab four to be happy. “You can have a small close-knit gang or various friends that factor into different areas of your life but aren’t necessarily part of the same group,” says Niven. “What matters most is that you feel open with them and they can be open with you.”

Of course, establishing openness doesn’t just happen. Friendships need nurturing. “In order for the relationship to grow, you have to share bits of your more private thoughts,” says Niven. Maybe that means spilling your secret desire to, say, audition for American Idol. “Once you reveal more of yourself and see that these friends accept you for who you really are, you’ll feel connected and therefore happier,” adds Niven.

2. You Gotta Have Adventures

Quick: Recall your favorite college memory. A hundred bucks says it wasn’t that time you studied really, really hard and got an A minus on your Chem 101 exam. The, um, yum incident with the teacher’s assistant in the lab after class ranks a little higher, no? Thought so. And that’s the point. “If everything you did in life was safe, you’d never have any exhilarating moments or crazy experiences to recall, both of which give you the sense that you’re truly living,” explains Brian Luke Seaward, PhD, author of Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart.

Now, we’re not suggesting that you totally hurl caution to the wind, but don’t get hung up on always staying on the straight and narrow. “People assume that doing the right thing leads to happiness, but actually taking risks does,” says Seaward. For you, that might entail going off on a three-day weekend with a new guy or just wearing that extraslinky minidress.

3. Now is the right time to Toss Excess Stuff 

In the event that you can scarcely rub together enough change to spring for that $4 latte, you'll cherish this: Money (and all the poop that you can purchase with it) won't bring you satisfaction. Actually, when well off Americans were reviewed, they reported being just insignificantly more satisfied than the overall population. "When you have boundless stores, you have a tendency to be hellbent on collecting more," says New York clinical specialist Janet Taylor. "All the while, you lose the capability to acknowledge what you do own and experience issues feeling satisfied." 

Furthermore you don't have to be a gazillionaire to get got in this trap. The issue may be that you simply can't toss anything out. Like your most loved sweater from your secondary school days, that (welcome!) is from the damn Gap, not uniquely sew by Grandma. "Additional trappings weigh us down and swarm our space, making us feel overpowered and disrupted," says Dr. Taylor. "Lightening up will help you recapture control and, hence, satisfaction." 

On that lighter note, now is the ideal minute to cleanse. You don't need to clean house totally, however you ought to hang on just to stuff you Love (with a capital L). "On the off chance that you haven't utilized or respected something within six months, part with it. No blame permitted," she demands. To be clear: That doesn't mean stacking things in a giveaway heap in the corner of your room. It involves stowing up the things and discarding them ASAP — whether you give them to Goodwill or swap 'em on ebay. 

4. A Balance of Busy and Dead Time Is Key 

Continually hurdling around in spaz mode without a second to extra for even a pee break is certain to take a toll on your state of mind. Be that as it may so is sitting out of gear the day away on the sofa. "Overextending yourself incites stress, yet it additionally makes you feel beneficial, in the same way as you're helping something, which is extremely paramount to bliss," says Niven. "Correspondingly, dormancy breeds fatigue, which rouses sentiments of futility and discontent, however quiets are imperative." Essentially, all go-go-go will wipe you out, as will a strong eating regimen of nada, yet a mixof both? Bingo! 

Affirm, so how would you strike the ideal parity? Fill your days with stuff you cherish (your Tuesday-night step class) and stuff you need to do (adjusting your checkbook). Simply remember that at the end of the day, you need to feel like "you've achieved something however that you've additionally loose," says Niven. Obviously, the hardest part for the vast majority of us is figuring out how to give up. For you, it may be sufficient to promise not to harp on work nightfall or to timetable general get-aways. Others discover reflection accommodating. No, you don't have to lie oblivious, droning om for 10 hours. A snappy eight minutes is all it takes, as indicated by Victor Davich, creator of 8 Minute Meditation. To do: Start by sitting upright with your involved your thighs, palms up. Shut your eyes and take a full breath. Hold it for a two second number, then discharge, letting your breath straightforwardness into its regular musicality. Concentrate on keeping this focus for the eight-moment compass and you'll feel lighter immediately. Truly. 

5. It's Crucial to Give into Temptation 

You log extra time at work, hit the rec center religiously, adhere to a low-fat, no-fun eating regimen, and considerably recollect birthdays. Alternately perhaps you aren't exactly so sort A. However regardless you get to deal with time, kiss your supervisor's ass when you'd rather kick it, and play pleasant to your people. Face it, making it in this world takes a few genuine control, paying little respect to your identity profile. "The weight to keep up is exhausting to the point that no doubt like the result for demonstrating such restriction might be extraordinary," says Seaward. "In any case in the event that you don't stop to enjoy something pleasurable, you're going to wind up hopeless." 

Plainly, you must enjoy. A few considerations: Splurge on a gourmet sandwich one day for lunch rather than tan stowing it. Surf the Web instead of giving back that hundredth email. Get the exclusive spa pedicure. "When you feel totally overpowered, that is really when you have to treat yourself the most," says Seawa.

6. Preferring Yourself Is Nonnegotiable 

Since you're human, you have most likely had an "Omigod! I can't accept I said that" minutes, took after by a "Moronic, doltish, imbecilic" clench hand to the temple. Like, say, the time you acquainted your gentleman with Bob the CEO at the workplace grill, just Bob's name is really Bill. At that point you used whatever remains of the night pestering what a blockhead you are. "We have a tendency to pound ourselves, yet its important to let ourselves free as a bird," says Ed Diener, Phd, teacher of brain research and heading joy scientist at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. "Unavoidably, you're going to commit errors, but in any case you need to like yourself." 

The same holds valid for those supposed-physical blemishes that you let empty you. You know, the slight hooligan in your nose that you swear makes you a prime hopeful for The Swan. We can all point to 10 things that aren't right with us, yet the way to joy is acknowledging yourself notwithstanding them, includes Diener. 

Also that ain't simple. Anyhow its paramount to figure out how to hold your inward commentator under tight restraints. So for each time you get down on yourself, help yourself to remember something you exceed expectations at and get open to talking yourself up by throwing one positive thing (e.g., props from your supervisor or a sweet email from your beau) into discussion. "We have a tendency to downplay our victories on the grounds that we would prefer not to sound like a showboater, however imparting uplifting news is elevating," says Diener. "Not just are you pondering something that made you feel wonderful, yet the other individual is going to get energized for you, which provides for you a significantly greater lift." 

7. You Must Stop Mentally Browsing 

We know you've been here: You're sitting at a restaurant, menu under control, when the pondering starts: Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish? In the wake of angsting for 20 minutes, you run with the fish... and after that sit there until the dinner comes, thinking about whether you should've run with the chicken. Alright, perhaps this is an extremely gentle rendition, yet in life, we do this on a bigger scale constantly. "We persuade ourselves that there must be something better out there, yet 'mental scanning' is a formula for disappointment," says Schwartz. "You're squandering time and vitality on questioning a great move simply on the grounds that there was an alternate choice, or 10, that you didn't pick. You'll never be euphoric in the event that you live like this." 

The result? At whatever point a choice is in uncertainty — like whether your current gentleman is The One — pick two qualities that are imperative to you (for this situation, perhaps its a comical inclination and an affectionate-gang). Once your criteria are created, inquire as to whether they're being met. Assuming this is the case, overlook different alternatives and proceed onward. You'll know whether an alternate choice is better for you on the grounds that it'll pester at you. So unwind, you've made the right choice...or no less than one that is going to make you up.